The Role of Self-Regulation in Inclusive Spaces
Photo credit to Misha Safran, Canva, & Midjourney, Logo credit to Misha Safran & Christi Williford
Can You Stay Grounded When Emotions Run High?
Inclusion isn't only tested in easy moments—it’s measured in the tension. Tension is important but we need to name space for all to navigate a healthy tension. An intelligent human (and my wife), Jodi Lewis, came up with a fabulous analogy to help folks understand the special ingredient for healthy tension. Picture a guitar. When the string is too tight what happens? It snaps! When the string is too loose, it makes an uncomfortable and often an indiscernible wobbly sound. However, when the tension is just right, the sound resonates inside of us and we become enamored by and even attracted to it.
Self-regulation is what allows us to respond instead of react, to pause instead of pounce, and to remain present when conversations get difficult. It’s the bridge between emotional awareness and compassionate action. It is the special ingredient for healthy tension. We stretch ourselves by pausing rather than reacting. In this pause, we can feel the feelings which gives us space to name them. When we can name them, we can often tame them. This pause helps put space in between our feelings and the people or circumstances which may have sparked the feelings. This is the tension that supports growth. When people avoid their feelings or give too much attention to them, they erupt which can cause irreparable damage.
When we develop self-regulation, we not only reduce emotional harm in challenging situations—we also model psychological safety for others. This matters deeply in inclusive spaces, where people are often navigating invisible stress, identity-related tension, or fear of being misunderstood. Your ability to stay grounded can be the steady anchor someone else needs to stay engaged.
💜 Quick Tips (and Why They Matter) 💜
Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system, calming your body before you speak. Regulated leaders nurture regulated teams.
Practice the “Name and Reframe” method: Silently name the emotion you’re feeling (e.g., frustration, anxiety), then reframe with curiosity: “What else might be going on here?” This prevents snap judgments and opens up perspective.
Build in a transition ritual between meetings, like 10 seconds of stillness or a grounding phrase. This prevents emotional residue from one conversation clouding the next—and keeps you clear and present for each interaction. I would also highly encourage you to build your schedule around 25 or 50 minutes meetings. This gives you five or ten minutes before the next meeting to ground yourself, have a bio break, and/or take notes from your last meeting so you are prepared. Everyone needs time in between meetings but few take it.
💭 Reflection Questions
What is my default reaction when I feel challenged—and how does it impact inclusion?
How do I support others in self-regulating when tensions rise?
With empathy and joy,
Misha Safran
PS: Want your leaders to navigate tough conversations with more clarity, compassion, and care? I’d love to support your team in building emotionally intelligent practices that transform culture. Let's Connect!
Land Acknowledgement: Born on the land of the Anacostans, Piscataway, and Pamunkey peoples. Currently living on Karkin Ohlone land.
All are valued in my practice: BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, humans of all backgrounds and ages. Through sharing my pronouns, I hope to support a safer and braver space for all professionals to share their pronouns.
#empathy #emotionalIntelligence #wellbeing #duality #resilience #educators #teachers #doctors #humanresources #healthyworkplace #conflict #disputeresolution #both #yes-and
